I am going to be honest with all of my readers and say I have not read one page of the Torah this week. About an hour ago, one of the worst hours of my life began. As I come out of it, I figured, I could do Shabbat or I could take my anger out on what I love the most about my life. I should probably explain.
Geography ended and I was psyched to be running for a Drama Club office. It was the end of the day on a Friday! The second to last Friday of school! Six people are chosen to be drama club officers, a president, a vice president, a treasurer, a secretary, and two sentinels. Prepared with speeches, I had confidence a mile high. I ran for all six offices hoping to have authority on another favorite asset of my life. When the voting began, frankly democracy sometimes sucks.
At 3:45 p.m., I realized I had lost each office. It felt awful. My mind raced. First, I of course blamed it on the people who beat me. That would not have been right. Then, I blamed it on the facilitator of the election. That would not have been right. After that, I blamed God. That was certainly not right. I left the school knowing that there was no one to blame.
Walking home was the most difficult part. 15 minutes of pure torture. Luckily, I had two of my best friends to guide me through. Emma and Cassidy made me feel comfortable. I got out the door and I had to wait. They were still inside. To prevent myself from being envious (Commandment 9), I left the club as soon as elections were over. When they got outside, they gave me a big hug. They made me feel like someone cared. Two someones.
I got home and I still felt like yesterday's trash. The seal of recovery was about to fall asleep on the couch. My dad was the aid to my problem. We talked and by the end of the talk I was not thinking "It's been an hour and I have still lost", I thought "It is getting late and I have not done my blog yet."
Moping around would not do me any good. I am alive, have a healthy family, and hopefully God will forgive me in doubting the Lord. What does this have to do with Numbers Parshat Korach? Probably nothing, but I felt I needed to tell someone. Why not tell the world?
Sometimes a blog is a way of expressing yourself openly and honestly - at least to yourself. Please don't ever doubt the special wonderful person you are to all of us. Popularity is not the measure of ones character.
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